1 - Mary

I have decided to write things down
so that the world can take part of my work
The things I had to do for God
I would not wish for anyone

But he chose me because I was strong
I was his tool to undo wrong
I have worked so hard through the years
but I never found innocence beyond their tears

I remember it like yesterday
I was high on life and the sun kissed my face
Mary was on her way home
I was not far behind and we were all alone

In the glade by the river I took her by the arm
She was scared but she did not utter a word
A temptress like the ones
my father had warned me about

When I tried to kiss her she fought back
and I knew she was a demon because I wanted her like that
She stopped breathing by the pouring of a stream of red
invoked by the hammer that I smashed into her head

And I wept for her soul but I know she found peace
I could see her spirit vanish beyond the trees
This day God opened my mind and He made me see
I knew He would return to summon me

2 - The Essence Of My Becoming

I woke up in the midst of a dream
only to find I was still dreaming
In cold sweat I was reminded of the deeds
my father had me do to my brother

My father was a hard man, righteous and strong
His fists and the Bible taught me right from wrong
The bruises and black eyes made me a man
I swore I'd serve the Lord and do the best I can

My brother was a retard who did not deserve life
He killed mother at birth, and made our father lose a wife
So father and I buried him alive and left
and saved him from a lifetime of self-loathing and hate

By devoting my life to God
I'll be given a place by the ethereal throne
where the righteous reign
in higher spheres of light

One night God called for me again
Four years had passed since last time
So I packed my things and went out in the night
awaiting the next sign

I walked a long time and I entered a park
where I heard sounds of fornication
I knew what I had to do, I must follow through
to carry out God's exclamation

First I hit the man to the ground
and slit his throat with the blade in my hand
I pulled the woman by the hair to get her near
her half naked body shivered with fear

I was so angry with her so I beat her first
then I raped her once to quench my thirst
I felt so ashamed but it was the demon I blamed
and God didn't call for me in vain

I could not come when she was staring at me
so I stabbed her eyes so she could not see
But my lust was gone and this was wrong all along
so I strangled her and then let her be

3 - To Ashes

Years went by without a sign
I moved around in different towns
God covered my tracks so I could roam free
until the day when He would call for me

Now I lived as a guest
with a hospital widow and her kids
in a small town by the countryside
where I could find some rest

I started to wonder if this life could be mine
away from the killing and a life on the run
Was it possible that my future could be
in the shape of good times, could I finally be free?

But God called for me one cold starlit night
and reminded me of my work
This time he demanded cleansing fire
to prevent me from straying from the path of His light

Everyone was asleep, I could hear them breathing
in the house so cozy and warm
I went downstairs and poured gasoline
stolen from a neighbor's barn

And I wept when I lit up the house
but I will be rewarded in the afterlife
I ran into the night, I could hear their screams
as I cried for them and my shallow dreams

Miles up the road a few days later
I saw the headlines about the fire
They blamed the neighbor farmer
and charged him of fulfilling his arson desire

4 - The Whereabouts Of My Father

Again I pour my words into this diary
The press claims that my father disappeared when I was young
I would like to comment on this "fact"
so that I can keep my pride intact

When God assigned me to my task
He told me to get away from my father
He let his guard down once and was possessed
but I could see through the demon's mask

As my father fell asleep that night
I bound him and gagged him with ropes so tight
He looked at me with big eyes of fear
but this was not my father nor a creature of light

And the demon teased me and filled my head with lies
But I refused to listen and I closed my eyes
I went out of the house to breathe the evening air
The woods were silent and the sky so clear

God spoke to me with angelic voice
He let me know that I had no choice
If I set father free the demon would live
and that was not an option that He could give

An interrogation with a buzz saw
The demon screamed so loud when I took its arms
Blood spattered shelves and the kitchen floor
but the demon was begging for more

I hammered ten nails into each of its knees
and crushed both its feet with an anvil
then I tore off its ears with my bare hands
before I got the confession which made me pleased

I let it bleed to death while I dug in the night
and sealed its grave with concrete
My conscience did not put up a fight
I don't questions His ways, I'm at one with His light

5 - Defying My Master

This time I found myself in the woods,
the result of a successful kidnapping
She was only seventeen, but I could be wrong
she was all the woman I needed her to be

I knew I had this coming
since God wished her dead and I refused
She woke something peculiar within me
which made me sweat and act confused

I defiled her twice to the sounds of her screams
She owned the key to the door of my dreams
and I could not let her die like this
seduced by the sweetness of her lips

The hunter became the hunted
My connection with Him had seized to be
I was left to my own devices
but I never felt so free

I think I felt what others call love
It was a new sensation to me
All I ever knew I had to question now
and it made me sick to my stomach somehow

Whose orders had I been carrying out?
Was it Satan who spoke to me?
Am I a misunderstood servant of God in distress
or the insane murderer they describe in the press

6 - Seeds Of Darkness Sprouting In Light

Six months on the run with me
and her belly is growing by the day
I know I can't make her love me like this
there is nothing I can do or say

She's become so skinny and I try to feed her well
but the cops are on to us, we cannot travel fast enough
Should I go down in a fight
Or should I do what I know deep down is right?

Should I set them free?
Where I go only pain will follow
That child is a part of me
inevitably that will bring them sorrow

Is there still time to win back His love
I could end their lives for a blessing from above
I can't have it all so I need to choose
but no matter what I will be the one to lose

So long I've been struggling for heaven's sake
must I doubt my life's work at the finish line
for something as fragile as mortal love
when the ethereal throne awaits to be mine

No, I cannot sacrifice my work
for something as uncertain as love
And that beast in her stomach
would be a living proof of my disobedience

So I held her under water
until she struggled no more
My job was done
and gone was the distracting whore

7 - The Inevitable Day

Seasons has changed, and so have I
I sensed something different in the morning air
I woke up surrounded by agents in black
with a smile on my face, today is not my time to die

They cuffed me and pushed me into their van
I did not resist, they cannot touch me
Now I'm sitting in my cell
with nothing but time on my hands

At the trial they declared me mentally ill
as I confessed everything I ever did
It turns out I never had a brother
and they say I never met my father

I cannot believe what they are telling me
and I cannot tell what is fictional or real
Is life but a test that you have to endure?
Maybe only my feelings are real?

That's why I write all this down
This is the truth coming from my own hands
Maybe I haven't killed anyone?
Maybe there is no ethereal throne?

From my isolation I will never learn
The outside world is out of my reach
These questions will drive me insane
God show yourself or this bible will burn!

I cannot believe what they told me
and I cannot tell what actually took place
Was my life but a test that I had to endure?
Maybe only death is real?

8 - Shattering The Earthly Bond

Where I dwell there is only darkness
My mind is a prison in itself
There is no way out and no voice is calling
This silence speaks too loud

I have to assume my mission is complete
To find the answers I must confront Him
Heavy chains they shackle me
but strength and faith will set me free

When the guards check on me tomorrow
they can read this diary
resting upon this cold dead corpse
known to the world as me

So hear me God, release me from my duty
Let me revel in your beauty

It is time I claim
What was promised me a long time ago
When life was still pure
When I knew no sorrow

My throne awaits
I will bow to no one but You
Shatter this earthly shell
Now is my time to walk beside You

9 - A White Dove Flew Over The Prison Walls
(instrumental)

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