Album: Bo Burnham
Yo
Walkin' my poodles,
Man it never gets old
With dogs on my leash, I got bitches on the hold
A first AID's kit?
That's a rhesus monkey
I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie
Alright?
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable
Got more lines than Whitney Houston's coffee table
I get more head than grammar school lice
I'm like a walking glacier I'm so decked out with ice
Did you poop a virgin?
'Cause that shit is tight
Jack ain't black and Barry ain't white
I do drugs in the bedroom,
Lie on your back
'Cause I gots the pipe and you gots the crack
Though I'm sexually straight, you're bound to find
I'm mentally gay
'Cause I'll blow your mind
The parents be snickerin', "He shouldn't have written it"
But I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit
Yo
[Chorus]
My name is Bo fo sho
A born Bostonian
Aryan librarian at the word SMITHsonian
The rap is scattered,
It has it's ingenuity,
I gave it this little part to give it continuity
And the fellas say,
"Hey, moron, pass the gin"
'Cause I'm an OXYmoron breathing OXYgen
Give me the bottle, I'll chug two-thirds
'Cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words
And the ladies say,
"Hey, fellas, I'm keeping it tight,
And if you play your cards right you can have me tonight
Should I blow you or beat you?
Brass or percussion?"
Oh, stop Period End of discussion
[Chorus]
Walkin' through the garden with food at my feet
Picked up the celery but dropped the beet (beat)
Oh, and then I picked it up
Let's end this thing right
Yo
We're in the hood,
I'll take what you give me
Was Einstein's theory good?
Relatively
A smart queen's kingDUM
It doesn't mix
A liter of literates
A bunch of Moby Dicks
"Get thee to a punnery"
O-just-to-pheelia
Take you with a condom
"Stainless-steel" (steal) ya
Half a pound of turkey breast
Half a pound of chicken tits
Why are only crackers stayin' at the Ritz?
Poverty, racism, isn't it strange
That only the homeless are beggin' for change
A shocked Sherlock
What, son? (Watson)
Rosa Parks didn't call "shotgun!"
Well here's a bit of irony
A Ford Focus driver's got ADD
How'd I come to master all these things?
Like a tampon thief, I had to pull some strings
I had to pull some strings