[Intro: From Chasing Amy]
{Silent Bob:... right, just big time in love
And then four months down the road the idiot gear kicks in
And I ask about the ex-boyfriend, which, as we all know
Is a really dumb move, but you know how it is
You don't want to know, but you just have to know, right?
Stupid guy bullshit}
[Louis Logic:]
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
In this corner quivering in the white trunks
We have the unsuspecting boyfriend
Facing up to the champion
His well-seasoned girlfriend
The three knockdown rule is in full effect
[ding ding]
That's the sound of curiosity peakin'
Like cops that pat you down boyfriend's probably seekin'
The dirt on the skirt as if he's deep in the earth
Like who had reached in your shirt and who was sleepin' with her?
{But hey} She's only human and probably only doin'
The dude who she loves most, so you know who she's screwin'
But while you lyin' there spoonin' assumin' life is just all good
You inadvertently mystified to the falsehood
Livin' life in a small hood you probably collide
With lots of the guys who used to climb on top of your wife
So it's not a surprise, you askin' the stupidest questions
"Who was the best in the sack? " and "How many dudes have you slept with? "
But the chance is you didn't want them answers
And can't live with it, she used to be just a dancer
Makin' the fast tips she would stuff her pants with
And fast as mass transit she taught you what romance is
[Chorus:]
{I'm so glad we met} {Hey shorty}
Come on girl, try to be patient you know I'm a pain in the ass
{But your ex-boyfriend has me stressed} {Back off, dude}
And all of this ex stuff should just remain in the past
{No, we can't get married yet}
It isn't just that it's greener, it's also the length of the grass
{Somehow you keep on runnin' to me}
We keep livin' in fear of the idiot gear
{Right about this time}
Most of y'all are just wishin' that this was fiction
An' itchin' to ask your chick if your dick is in her depiction
Of fittin' inside her stitchin' when you're sewin' it up
And to think that most of this stuff is just over a fuck
I know what you're thinkin', we've all grown up with women
And livin' without 'em seems like it's harder than livin' with 'em
But if ya hit 'em you'll probably end up livin' in prison, fellas
Then you'll be someone's bitch, I hope your girlfriend isn't jealous
This Cinderella shit's totally irrelevant
You'll never get a girl older than seven that's been celibate
Cause every chick has been around the block with a guy or ten
And guys are sensitive, it's better that you lie to them
Even the violent men who dress up in street clothes
With stilettos and heat, know they got delicate egos
If she chose to tell ya' all the persons with whom
She put in work in the room, it would burst your balloon
[Chorus]
{Lookin' at your sweetest snapshots} That's when you start to wonder
About the backdrop of her other lovers
When you discover another flick of 'er hidden up under there
Dressed in summerwear with her ex givin' her bunny ears
And no one wants to share their chick with the last guy
To get rid of the bad vibe you figure you'd ask why
Her past life's still chillin' in the picture frame
She'd probably forget his name if the dick's the same
Which is lame, but for some dumb reason
The last bum seeps into your dreams and you become unseasoned
Till one evenin' you build up the heart to ask her {disaster! }
With your lungs breathin' hard as asthma
And after she breaks down and tells you the truth
It leads to a fight and she's yellin' at you
And I'm convinced of this, bein' your queen's only king, you miss
See? Louis right, ignorance is bliss
[Chorus]
Now listen to me papi, you're all fucking idiots
How'd you like them apples?
[Jerry Maguire:] You know, I don't think we need to do the thing where we tell each other everything