He works in a bank from nine to five,
Then he goes for a wank and a sneaky hand jive,
He's bald as a coot, coz he plays pink flute, he's a slap-head and a baldy,
He's right down to the wood,
He won't get herpes (hairpiece) he can't pull fluff,
We call him fairy, rear admiral, poof.
He drinks Dubonnet, he don't understand,
He's happily married to his left and right hands
Al O'Peesha, I think that Duncan Goodhew wants to meet you.
He's the one with the shiny pate, flogs his bishop, never ever copulates,
His hair falls out when he masturbates, Duncan Goodhew's a very good mate.
He was thinner than Yul Brynner, smoother than Kojack,
But he supped some Boddies (somebody's) bitter, and his thatch grew back,
Now there's fanny all around him, he's always pulling crack,
But he used to be a ginger and the new bit's grown back black.