Once I met a girl, she said her name was Pam
She told me that I ought to try the Tim Tam Slam
She asked me up for coffee, I thought it was a line
But we were there before I got to say "your place or mine"
She sat me down she filled the cups
She made it white with one
But when we got the Tim Tams out I knew we had begun
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam
She showed me how it's done and you can do it too
Get yourself a hot drink and Tim Tam or two
Then bite both ends off one and use it as a straw
Then quickly gulp the lot before it ends up on the floor
Hot chocolate, tea or coffee
It's a choice you'll have to make
'Cos when it comes to sugar rush, this really takes the cake
We were doing the Tim Tam Slam
The next thing I knew we'd had about three packets and ran out
We had to start using homebrand Tim Tams... and they're crap
We tried using Chocolate Teddy Bears, biting off one ear and one foot, but you feel a bit inhumane doing that
I tried using a Kit Kat, but I got a hernia
I tried using a Weetbix, but you just end up with porridge in the bottom of the mug
I even tried it with a mint slice and a curry laksa... and actually that was good... uuuurrrgh.
The last thing I remember, Pam was opening a jar of Bonox (which is like essence of cow in a jar)
There was just chocolate everywhere, chocolate everywhere, chocolate everywhere...
The next day when I woke upon the kitchen floor
I felt like I had added on a kilogram or four
My memory was murky, my mouth was much the same
How can such wicked Biscuits go by such a cutesy name
Pam burst in with three bags full
She'd just been at the shop
She grabbed the kettle with a grin and filled it to the top
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam
That's right y'all, we were doin' it, doin' it
We were doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam
That's right y'all, we were doin' it
In the kitchen we were chewin' it
On the hot plate we were brewin' it
Yeah we were doin' it
We were doin' the Tim Tam Slam, yeah
So whenever you feel this way, don't delay do it today, slam away, it'll be OK
You'll be doin' the Tim Tam Slam