Petunia, why are you so bitter?
It's 'cause you never got a Hogwarts letter
Like your beloved sister
Oh, Petunia
You would have loved to jinx the girl next door
'Cause that's what she'd been asking for
You wanted your very own magical story
But instead your stupid sister got all the glory
I know you think about what could have been
But then you're reminded: it never happened
You'd probably have ended up in Hufflepuff,
You're not really smart, and not so tough
Slytherin wouldn't have taken you
But either way, it's just not true
I know you think about what could have been
But then you're reminded: it never happened