Valerie Felony needs a chauffeur and a fake ID
And her charming art is larceny
And nothing is fun

Because when all your friends are easy breezy
Down on their knees,
Love's just a business,
You're so eager to please
So don't be a baby, baby
Don't be a tease -
And if you stay over,
When I wake, you'd better be gone

Oh, Cindy Facsimile,
She's a carbon-copied honeybee
And her eyes are wild as PCP
And she's got a gun
And she takes picture in the mirror
As she's been told to do,
Jet-black mascara as she's staring through you
She's even given herself a nickname, too,
But it won't catch on, because it's dumb
And doesn't make sense

And I-I-I-I-I know I'm settling for you
And I know tomorrow I'll regret the things I do
But when we're in this deep,
Oh, we know that this much is true,
'Cause we're all up and we're still spun
A twelve-pack and the damage done

All in all, it's not enough -
She drinks cocktails when she wakes up,
And her breath smells just like cough syrup
All throughout the day
But Casey Cliche stays away from strays
She likes her dirtbags clean
She likes the right rock n roll,
But don't know what it means
In all her glory stories,
Nothing's quite as it seams
But even if it's bullshit,
From those red lips
I'll trust every word

And I-I-I-I-I know I'm settling for you
And I know tomorrow I'll regret the things I do
But when we're in this deep,
Oh, we know that this much is true,
'Cause we're all up and we're still spun
A twelve-pack and the damage done

(I think it's contagious!)

And I-I-I-I-I know I'm settling for you
And I know tomorrow I'll regret the things I do
But when we're in this deep,
Oh, we know that this much is true,
'Cause we're all up and we're still spun
A twelve-pack and the damage done

And I-I-I-I-I know I'm settling for you
And I know tomorrow I'll regret the things I do
But when we're in this deep,
Oh, we know that this much is true,
'Cause we're all up and we're still spun
A twelve-pack and the damage done

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