Well, when I was a boy,
I played in a band,
The virtuoso of the slide trombone.
I always thought that I possessed
A perfectly golden mellow tone.
But then one night things got tight and
Bottles started flyin' my way...
And when I picked myself up from the ground outside,
I could hear everybody say: They said,
Chorus:
"Go back and learn how to use that thing
Or don't come 'round here no more.
Well, you've gotta learn how to make it swing.
You're gettin' to be quite a bore on the floor.
Now you've been practicin' for years.
You still can't make it.
The way you mistreat it,
Say you're liable to break it.
Go home, learn how to use that thing
Or don't you come around here no more."
Well, later on I found myself in the war
To protect your liberty
I was sittin' in a foxhole cold and wet
With a machine gun on my knee
Then a thousand of the enemy come over the hill
But that gun of mine just wouldn't seem to go
And the General In Charge, he sorta sidled up to me
And whispered soft and low -- he said,
Chorus:
"Go back and learn how to use that thing
Or don't come 'round here no more.
Well, you've gotta learn how to make it swing.
You're gettin' to be quite a bore in this war.
Now you've been practicin' for years.
You still can't make it.
The way you mistreat it,
Say you're liable to break it.
Go home, learn how to use that thing
Or don't you come around here no more."
Well, when I got outa the stockade,
I went back home and I settled down.
I got myself a house and a wife and kids
And a girl tucked away on the other side of town.
But one day when I went to visit her,
Somebody changed the lock on that front door.
And my clothes was in the street
And down from her window
I could hear her roar -- she said,
Chorus:
"Go back and learn how to use that thing
Or don't come 'round here no more.
Well, you've gotta learn how to make it swing.
You're gettin' to be quite a bore what's more...
Now you've been practicin' for years.
You still can't make it.
The way you mistreat it,
Say you're liable to break it.
Go home, learn how to use that thing
Or don't you come around here no more."