Well now, it was a hot day in July;
I had ice cream on my mind.
I went up to the ice cream stand --
I said, "Ooh, ooh, Mr. Ice Cream Man.
"I want to start with a great big double dip
Of a raspberry sherbet and a chocolate chip,
A lemon ice, and on top of that
I want a rocky road -- now hold on to your hat.
"I want a blueberry boysenberry butter pecan.
You tell me your pistachio's gone?
I'm gonna take my betty and bop your boop."
He said, "Hold on baby, I will give you the scoop."
He said, "Vanilla, all we got's
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, the whole world wants
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, so that's what we're
Sellin' now."
"Uh, huh." But I said no and I trucked on down
To the funkiest bar in the funk part of town.
The sign on the door said, "Live Music Tonight".
I said, "Ooh! All right!"
"Let's start with a horn that sounds like Miles,
A Lady Day singer singin' "God Bless the Child",
A Charlie Parker type saxophone,
Eubie Green on the slide trombone."
"I want drums. You know I don't care which --
Gimme Philly Joe Jones, or Buddy Rich.
I want a bass that sounds just like Ray Brown's."
He said, "Hold on baby, slow your tempo down."
He said, "Vanilla, all we play is
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, the whole world wants
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, so that's what we're
Sellin' now."
And so with no ice cream and without no song,
I walked the streets the whole night long
Till I come upon a little miss flippety-flop
I said, "Ooh baby! Come to pop!"
I said, "I'll bring the booze baby, get the trapeze.
I'll put on my snorkel, you get down on your knees.
I'll bounce to the sky on your vibratin' bed
While you throw Mallomars at my head."
"I'm gonna dress you up in aluminum foil,
Fill up the bathtub with Mazola oil.
I'll bring the lash honey, you bring the hash."
She says, "Hold on baby, all the freakies are past."
She said, "Vanilla, all I do now is
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, the whole world wants
Vanil-la la-la lalalala, so that's what I'm
Sellin' now."