I was walkin' through the mall headin' to the record store
Gonna buy a new tape that came out the day before
Halfway there when I got a big scare
There's a guy with a clipboard scratching his hair
With a pencil, he's a Mall-Cockroach
And his face lit up when h saw me approach
I didn't even look at him I tried to hide
And I gradually wandered to the mall's other side
A guided missile couldn't catch me as fast
As this guy did as I tried to walk past
Pushed his face in mine and said "Excuse me sir,
May I have a few minutes of your time for a survey?"
My first thought was to bash in his skull with a brick
And then get out of there quick
But there's witnesses around, they would see him goin' down
And the last thing I need is to be sent downtown
So I told him make it quick, do it short and to the point
I had to keep a gynecologist appointment
I really just didn't want to be there for an hour
Then he turned to me and said, Do you piss in the shower?
Uhhh, I didn't know what to say
I was expecting an important question from the survey
Maybe something about AIDS for an intelligent discussion
Not a meaningless remark about a bodily function
He was serious and I was shocked
I just stuttered for a minute, I was in a mental block
Then he informed me that the government was payin'
To see how much urine was goin' down the drain
Just one of many studies that the government endows
Like how many gay seagulls and how many farting cows
Who really cares? So I said I'm gonna go
My piss is my business so you're never gonna know
But this is a real problem, we gotta try and fix it
Homelessness is caused by too many people pissin'
The theory makes sense and it's really quite frightening
I said, you're on drugs, but please, enlighten me
Gladly, scientists last year found
That urine from the shower drain leaks into the ground
It gets into the water that everybody drinks
Then it messes with their mind so the people can't think
They start takin' drugs all day and night
Then they lose their job 'cause they don't do it right
No job, no money, no home
This is a serious problem we can't leave alone
He seemed to want to make a career about piss
And I couldn't believe he was serious about this
So I walked away, I needed out of that place
But he turned and got right in my face
I got a weird felling kinda like heartburn
'Cause this guy was more attached to me than a tapeworm
I'm positive this guy would have followed me home
I said get out of my face and leave my urine alone
I pushed him away and wiped his spit off my chest
He said You're not gonna answer? Surely you jest
I said yeah, I jest, I jest oughtta kill you
Ask me again and some blood will be spilled
Do you piss in the shower? Boom, that's that
Bashed his face against the wall a few times now it's flat
And with his very last gasp of air he said
Do you piss in the shower?, so I pissed on his head