I've always been the guy with a finger in his nose
When the passport picture gets taken
When the big guys took me out stealin' chickens
It was me caught holdin' the bacon
When they're droppin' a piano from the 47th floor
I'm the guy underneath it lookin' up
And when the tidal wave strikes 100 miles at sea
I'm always at the rail throwin' up
Whee, ker-pow!
Somehow I would've met you anyhow
You fix it up and then, oh holy cow
You folks are gonna see me now
I was standing in an artsy fartsy uptown restaurant
A few frozen dinners ago
When I stumbled on a waiter full of crêpe suzettes
And I ran out the door flambeau
Then I ran down to Chinatown got myself some soy sauce
And grabbed some moo goo gai pan to go
When I got wiped out by a stray beansprout
That was landin' on the floor
Whee, ker-pow!
Somehow I would've met you anyhow
You fix it up and then, oh holy cow
You folks are gonna see me now
Well, I finally got so fed up I was off to blow my head off
With the gun in the cash box at the store
Then I thought I'd grab a fistful just in case I weren't successful
But instead I got my tie caught in the drawer
When you're riding down the road at 100 miles an hour
And a guy's ahead hitchin' someplace
Honey, don't you be surprised, I'll be wipin' out my eyes
As you pass me, leavin' dust in my face
Whee, ker-pow!
Somehow I would've met you anyhow
You fix it up and then, oh holy cow
You folks are gonna see me now