The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffolees conjuring turn
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
They had an extensive reputation
Made their home in Victoria Grove
That was merely their center of operation
For they were incurable given to rove
If the area window was found ajar
And the basement looked like a field of war
If a tile or two came loose on the roof
Which presently ceased to be waterproof
If the drawers were pulled out from bedroom chests
And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
Or after supper one of the girls
Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had an unusual gift of gab
They were highly efficient cat burgulars
As well and remarkably smart at a smash and grab
They made their home in Victoria Grove
They had no regular occupation
They were plausible fellows who liked to engage
A friendly policeman in conversation
When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat!
It was Mungojerrie or Rumpleteazer!"
And most of the time they left it at that
Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had a wonderful way
Of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
They'd go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
When you heard a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
Or down from the library came a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
Then the family would say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!"
Macavity