I'm sorry for that time I had an idea,
I'm sorry for that time I told a joke,
I didn't mean to step all over your ego,
It's my fault that my heart broke.
I'm glad I got to meet your brand new girlfriend,
All I have to say is wow,
I can't believe you met a match so perfect,
You must feel like a big man now.
Because your new girlfriend is like a pair of beige curtains
Not good, not bad, just there.
I couldn't pick her out of a line up,
Cuz she's as special as air!
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile,
Not hot, not not, just gray.
Your own silent malleable furniture,
I wish I was that way.
I'm sorry for that time I had an opinion,
I'm sorry for that time I had a goal,
I don't want to detract from your powerful presence
By admitting that I have a soul.
It must be nice to feel so smart and superior,
It must be nice to know that she won't leave,
And she won't notice when you fuck other people,
At least that's what she'll let you believe.
Cuz your new girlfriend is like a pair of beige curtains,
Not good, not bad, just there.
I couldn't pick her out of a line up
Cuz she's as special as air!
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile,
Not hot, not not, just gray.
Your own giggly, undemanding seat filler,
I wish I was that way!
If I was like her maybe I would have,
The ultimate prize that is you,
To stamp in my essence and learn to want nothing,
And all of my dreams could come true.
And who needs me, when I have you?
Cuz your new girlfriend is like a pair of beige curtains,
Not good, not bad, just there.
I couldn't pick her out of a line up
Cuz she's as special as air!
Your new girlfriend is linoleum tile,
Not hot, not not, just gray.
Your own pointless, dumpy little blow up doll,
I wish I was that way! (x2)