I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero. 
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go, 
And all their yucky yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo! 
										
I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero! 
I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight. 
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great. 
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate. 
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight! 
I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke. 
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike! 
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike. 
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke! 
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung. 
It shouldn't really matter how somebody is hung. 
Other things are more important- like how you use your tongue! 
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung! 
I DARE Casey Kasem to play this! 
I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero. 
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go, 
And all their yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo 
(I hate that machis'mo!) 
I wish I was a lesbian and not a hetero!