Chapter 1
It's early in the morning.
I'm just waking up.
I got a rumble in my belly
I am R. Kelly.
A voice calls out hey baby
My woman comes in the scene.
I think oh damn girl I wish you were 13.
She says here's your eggs and bacon for your waking.
She says I love you baby, last night I wasn't faking.
I say here listen up I got to keep it real
This food sure looks good but bitch I want some cereal.
So I put on my clothes; I can't believe these hoes
In to the kitchen I goes bitch I need my cheerios.
Now I'm so damn mad I can hardly sing.
I says what she says what I says what she says I didn't say anything
I say you just wait here I will get it my own damn self.
The box is right where I left it it's on the middle shelf.
She asks what about your cinnamon bun.
That's when I pulled out my gun.
Something's going on in here, I going to get to the bottom of this one.
So I go to the cupboard. She says don't go to the cupboard.
I say what what's in the cupboard.
Who said anything about the cupboard?
You standing right in front of the cupboard.
Oh is this the cupboard.
Girl you know that's the cupboard
So that's when I opened the cupboard and my box was empty empty empty.
Chapter 34
Well here I am at the grocery store. Got my cheerios and some milk to pour.
I usually get 2% but now I'm trying soy I need my proteins I am a growing boy.
A woman in front got all these coupons.
I said bitch do you really need 5 cent off that grey pu pon.
The cashier says aren't you
.I say yes keep it down
.he says mc hammer
I say I'll bust you in your fucking mouth.
He says please chill out man I got to do a price check man
He says mister hammer you'll understand.
I say the 2 for 1 what's wrong with this place.
Should we handle this the Christian way; I'll shoot you in your fucking face.
Then he looked at me then he screams security.
I say oh brother please. Cereal is all I need.
See I went to my cupboard. He said don't start with the cupboard.
I say you should've seen my cupboard.
He says I don't have time for all that I am a grocery store clerk not your therapists.
So I called up my lady. Said I'm coming home Baby.
She said do you miss me. Then I heard the rice crispys crispys.
Chapter 189
So I'm driving home. I just can't understand she didn't buy my cheerios she bought her own brand.
I'm about to go O Jay.
Yall know what I mean.
I race home I a prop car in front of a green screen,
I bust in the house, she says I know what you're thinking.
That's not crackle pop you heard it was just pop rocks and coke I'm drinking.
Coke. That's all I could say was hoe. Then tell me hoe what the fuck this rice crispy
crunch doing in this bowl
I say that's it, I'm a end this video,
And then the door is bust down and in bust the po po.
I say hey officer what's the problem with you people
He cited threes times today I pulled my gun out on innocent people.
And then I made a dash for the cupboard, tried to hide in the cupboard
They grabbed me off the cupboard.
I said look I you can't take me away because I still have six more videos to make to complete my urban opera.
So here we are now at the end of the story
And I'm going to jail
This time not for statutory
tory
tory.