You've probably seen me hanging around
I'm a very familiar face in this town.
A day doesn't go by that I don't meet
a lot of my friends walking down the street.
I'm never too busy to stop by the way
and I've always got something pleasant to say.
Maybe some perceptive thoughts about the weather
or the latest news from Wall Street, whatever.
I could stand around all day making small talk
gushing platitudes, blocking the sidewalk
tying people up for hours with ease,
my one big talent is shooting the breeze.
When they start to squirm, I really get going
but only my happy-face smile is showing.
Why can't they see what I'm trying to hide,
I'm bustin' a gut, laughing on the inside.
It's in their smile when I say hello
I can see they think I'm a little bit slow.
But after a while with me, they look dazed
their eyes covered with a donut glaze.
I really start to cook when I see that look
I hit 'em with every cliché in the book.
Their knees wobble and they start to weave
it's like they're begging for permission to leave,
they think they are having a brush with stupidity
I don't laugh, even though it's killing me.
Watching them wilt like day-old flowers
Ticking off the minutes as they turn to hours.
They are wondering how much more they can take
I give 'em a friendly smile and a handshake.
We say goodbye very politely
Now say hello to the killer inside me
Now say hello to the killer inside me.
Everybody has their doubts about my sanity
But nothing happens 'cause they all feel sorry for me
I've got the whole town under my thumb
and all I've gotta do is keep acting dumb.
Oh that boy Lou they say what a guy,
a little on the slow side but wouldn't hurt a fly
and such a gentleman! Oh yes I know.
he sure can talk your ear off though!
I tip my hat and pretend I don't hear
grinning like a half-wit from ear to ear
I can think of a thousand ways to say hello
so I start through 'em all, and go real slow.
They listen hard, and act like they care.
How can they be so completely unaware
of the truth the answer is always denied me
So I introduce them to the killer inside me.