LARS: August 4th, 1990, kicking it across the bay,
When we went straight to that island
On that momentous day
To explore it, not ignore it, like Christopher C
MNP and Lars H, pioneers adrift at sea
And so we went ashore,
Knowing not what was in store,
'till there came a crazy noise that we could not ignore
Fourteen robo-primates, they came straight for us,
Nasty and ugly, like a zit brimming with puss
So we hopped into our boat, hoping it would float,
'till we found a robo-monkey had chewed it like a goat
And a big hole remained at the bottom of our craft,
As it began to sink, the robo-creatures laughed
Then out of the woods came more robots by the dozens,
Daddies, mommies, aunts, and uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and cousins…
Whole robo-families, thirsting for blood
Vampiric evil machines caked in oil, grease, and mud
CHORUS
Escape from Robot Island,
We'll take them to the desert
Trip their circuits and fry them
Can't stay in Robot Island,
These robots are maniacal,
I'll sweep them up and hide them
Get out of Robot Island,
Don't want to be your robo-lunch,
Your robo-canned-food-blend
Delete Robot Island, you evil R2D2's,
Now it's time to meet your end
MNP: What's that you say, boy haven't you heard?
Call me a stupid-ass white boy, flip me the bird?
I want to smack you right now in the face,
But they're locked on me, stalking this place
Today has been a scary day,
These robots they don't want to play,
Their bodies are metallic gray,
Their wires look like plastic hay
These robots chased us through the night,
Everybody knows that I put up a fight
To the different kinds, they blow my mind,
Giant eyeball watching me reading my mind
There are fury ones with blades
Coming out of their fur,
Robots riding chariots just like Ben-Hur,
A ton that will toss you in a chasm,
Balls that drill you like in Phantasm
Tall ones, short ones, round ones, long ones,
Little ones, green ones, right ones, wrongs
Batteries not included, these things attack,
Model ZX goes for your sack
Big metal teeth ain't too friendly
Mechanical death? That's not for me!
All the different Doomsday Machines,
We have to stop them with live-or-die means
They have their cold metallic hearts,
Soulless just like Kinkade's art,
We need to learn to play the part,
Getting out alive is where we'll start
Saving ourselves, see that is our mission,
Like I'm running from the firm in the novel by Grisham
Or Tommyknockers, by Mr King,
On the run and this ain't no dream
REPEAT CHORUS
MNP: Hiding out on the tree house floor,
Evil bots knocking at the door
LARS: We climbed up here to get away
And we've been stuck all night and day
MNP: We built a gun, quadruple barreled,
Quiver filled with acid arrows
LARS: There was a chainsaw that we found,
Like Ash we wielded it around
MNP: We used it like a robot shank,
Little did we know the chain would break
LARS: We hat a copper melting pot,
Filled with oil very hot
MNP: It burned right through the wooden planks,
They climbed up and they said, Thanks”
LARS: They want violence, not harmless pranks
MNP: Run, Lars, run, just like Tom Hanks
ROBOT: Foolish humans, time to die,
We'll gobble you up like ham on rye
LARS: We've done everything that we can do;
It was up to me, now it's up to you
MNP: The arrows, we still have those,
Let's fire them and see how it goes
ROBOT: Foolish humans, that won't work
We'll get you both, prepare to hurt
Your blood will drip,
Your blood will spurt and
You'll be six feet under dirt
MNP: So this is what it feels like being the prey?
The early bot gets the human, or so they say
LARS: Wait! It's time to die? I don't want to go yet!
I never went to Russia or owned a private jet
I never kissed a lion or went bowling nude,
I've never gone hang gliding or had hamster food
MNP: Pull yourself together man,
You're getting me annoyed
Let's not go out in shame!
Let's go out shooting droids
You forgot about my Remington
Taped to my Smith & Wesson,
My aim is next to perfect,
Let's teach these things a lesson
Stop!
ROBOT: No!
LARS: Shoot!
MNP: Yes, I'm about to do it
LARS: Go! MNP: Ha!
LARS: Nice, but we're not half-way through it
There's eight-hundred more,
And you've only got two bullets
MNP: If anyone can make it,
MNP and Lars can do it
LARS: You're right MNP,
Let's overcome our fears,
Machines won't run humanity
Like twisted engineers
REPEAT CHORUS