Chris Parnell: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.
Natalie Portman: Hello.
Parnell: So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?
Portman: Do you really want to know?
Parnell: Please, tell us.
I don't sleep mother f***er
off that yak and that bourbon
doin' 120 gettin high while I'm swervin
Seth Meyers: D**n natalie you a crazy chick
Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k
I'm bustin dudes mouths like gushers mother f***er
roll up on NBC and smack the s**t out Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie
Portman: to drink and fight!
Guys: what you need Natalie
Guys: to f*** all night!
Don't test me when i'm crazy off that airplane glue
put my foot down your throat
till you s**t in my shoe
leave you screaming
pay for my dry cleaning
f*** you man
It's my name that he's screamin'
Parnell: I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?
Portman: I never said I was a role model.
Parnell: What about the kids who look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my d**k
It's portman mother f***er
drink till i'm sick
slit your throat
and poor nitrous down the hole
watch you laugh and cry
while I laugh you die
and all the Jews
you know I'm talkin to you
Guys: we love you natalie
I wanna f*** you too!
P is for portman
P is for p***y
i'll kill your f**in dog for fun so don't push me
Parnell: Well, Natalie I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate.
Portman: Well there's a lot you may not know about me.
Parnell: Really? Such as?
When I was in harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
and snorted all the yay
I gotta def posse
and you gotta buncha dudes
I sit down on your face and take a s**t
Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad @$$ b***h (h**l yah)
and I always pay for your dry cleanin
when my s**t gets in your shoe
as for the drug use
well I can vouch for that
my d**k is scared of you
girl
Parnell: Okie-doke. Natalie, one final question,
if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it--
(Portman breaks chair over Parnell's head)
Portman: No more questions
What!