Kermit: "Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here And sci-fi fans, I'm speaking to you from the laboratory of a Professor Nucleus Von Fission and I'm here to report one of the scientific marvels of the 20th century Because as you probably know, Professor Von Fission is the inventor of the fabulous Six Dollar Man"
(Kermit walks over to the Professor who is standing over a robot-like creature lying on a table)
Prof Von Fission: "Ah!"
Kermit: "Who lays right here on the table, matter of fact"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes"
Kermit: "Is that right, Professor Von Fission?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, that's right! Mmmm"
Kermit: "And this whole thing only came to six dollars, huh?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, including tax"
Kermit: "Well, that's, that's just incredible Umm the head, it looks like the head is made from a second-hand bowling ball"
(Sure enough, the head is a light blue swirly bowling bowl with the three finger-holes lined up as the creature's eyes and open mouth)
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, that's right Cost me a dollar thirty-eight at a rummage sale"
Kermit: "Mmmm And the hair up here is what, a scouring pad?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, that's a scouring pad Thirty-nine cents a package"
Kermit: "Uh huh, great What what's that nose?"
Prof Von Fission: "Ahh, that's a cork"
Kermit: "Hmmm"
Prof Von Fission: "Cork was twenty-five cents, a real bargain"
Kermit: "That's very ingenius And going down here, the body looks like it's an old olive oil can?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, that was a dollar fifty-nine, but ya gotta remember there was a lot of olive oil came with it I used that to lubricate the joints"
Kermit: "Ahh, wonderful The shoulder joint, as a matter of fact, is ahh that's a hinge, huh?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, those are some hinges I picked up for ten cents each"
Kermit: "Uh huh How about how about the arm? What did you make that arm out of?"
Prof Von Fission: "Ah, well, the arms and the legs are drainpipes and those were fifty cents a yard"
Kermit: "That's ahh that's great There seems to be a spoon here where the hand is, huh?"
Prof Von Fission: "Spoons for hands, they were thirty-five cents apiece, yeah"
Kermit: "Ahh, wonderful And for feet, you've got ah spatulas, huh?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yes, those were two for two for seventy-nine, that's a real bargain I got those at a going-out-of-business pancake place over in Posaick"
Kermit: "Isn't that interesting And all that comes to just six dollars, huh?"
Prof Von Fission: "Yup, that's right Oh, would you like to see me activate me?"
Kermit: "Oh, we certainly would, that'd be just terrific, Professor!"
Prof Von Fission: "Oh, wonderful, yes!"
(Kermit faces the camera to speak as the Prof scoots behind him to activate the creature)
Kermit: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is a television first as we see the first demonstration of The Six Dollar Man"
(A sound like a car's engine not quite turning over is heard as the Prof pulls his hand away from the creature's olive oil can tummy Picture someone starting a boat's motor)
Prof Von Fission: "Uh oh, try again (He does the hand motion again and then turns to speak to the camera) Ya gotta remember that he's steam drive, you know, it takes a little while to start him up Once more (He tries one more time and ) Yeah, yeah, there he goes! There he goes!"
(The creature is up and bouncing off the walls, pulling down book-shelves and wrecking havoc all over the place)
Kermit: "Wow!"
Prof Von Fission: "Look at him go! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, marvelous!"
Kermit: "Oh my goodness"
Prof Von Fission: "Ooops! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Did you see that?! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Oopsie-daisy! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Look what happened!"
(What's left of the creature flops onto the table Pretty much just an olive oil can with a couple of spatulas sticking out!)
Kermit: "Professor Von Fission! Your Six Dollar Man couldn't do anything, all he did was destroy your entire laboratory!"
Prof Von Fission: "Well, what do you expect for six dollars?"
(They both look at the camera, Kermit's face doing that disgusted look he does so well)