Ever since I been a little child,
I been crunchin' walnuts with my teeth,
And that accounts for my unusual smile,
I been crunchin' walnuts with my teeth,
And while other kids was goin' to school,
Learnin' 'bout tools and learnin' 'bout rules,
I was sittin' by myself, playin' it cool,
Just crunchin' walnuts with my teeth.
Well, I met a little girl at the general store
While I was crunchin' walnuts with my teeth.
She said, "I see you're the one for me,"
So we went and got married immediately.
I spent my honeymoon romantically
Crunchin' walnuts with my teeth.
Now one night as I was returnin' to my house,
I was crunchin' walnuts with my teeth.
I heard some fella, he was lovin' my spouse,
While I was crunchin' walnuts with my teeth.
And I peeked in the window and he come into view,
He weighed three hundred pounds, stood seven foot two,
So I did what any red-blooded American boy would do,
Crunched a walnut with my teeth.
Now my whole lifelong philosophy
Is crunch a walnut with your teeth.
Just think how happy the world would be
If we all crunched walnuts with our teeth.
And we'd all sit around in the middle of the floor,
A-crunchin' and a-munchin' like we never did before,
And you know nobody's gonna go to war,
Crunchin' walnuts with their teeth.