Oh, the Mermaid of Ontario
Had long green stringy hair-e-o
And a seaweed gown to wear-e-o
But she had no one to marry-o
Now the Mermaid of Ontario
Loved a big mouth bass named Larry-o
Who lived 'neath Lake St. Claire-o
Under the St. Claire ferry-o
Now the Mermaid of Ontario
Sent a seagull emissary-o
To ask that big bass Larry-o
If he'd consent to marry-o
Oh no, no, no said Larry-o
My life I will not share-e-o
I'd rather play solitarie-e-o
And sit around in my underwear-e-o
Read books from the fish library-o
And you're so ordinary-o
And I'm extra ordinary-e-o
And I dress so debonair-e-o
And I have a fine vocabulary-o
Cause I memorized the fishes' dictionary-o
And before I'd marry you, I'd marry-o
A Guernsy cow from the dairy-o
Or eat a poison berry-o
And wind up with fishes' dysentery-o
Poor Mermaid of Ontario
It was more than she could bear-e-o
So she cried for a day then swam away
With a yuppie little guppie named Gary-o
Now they're a happy pair-e-o
Cause he's a millionaire-e-o
On his yacht 'neath Lake St. Claire-e-o
They cuddle in a cozy chair-e-o
And listen to his underwater stereo
And that big mouth bass named Larry-o
Married a cow from the dairy-o
She fed him a poison berry-o
And he wound up in the fishes' cemetery-o
And that's the whole scenario