IN VINO VERITAS
(Dr H J Taylor)
When Science led me by the hand right up her garden path, Sir,
They tried to make me understand her Physics, Chem and Math, Sir
It came to naught, and all they taught could not have fallen flatter,
Except for this, which gave me bliss, the liquid state of matter
cho: And this is plain, as I maintain, since good old Aristotle
The truth has been most clearly seen reflected in a bottle
What always jars in seminars and causes constant panics,
Is all that talk and blackboard chaulk to inculcate mechanics;
I feel I need a glass of mead, as drunk by ancient druids
And so thereby exemplify the properties of fluids
And still today I find no way to handle apparatus
For me alone the Great Unknown brings no divine afflatus
Yet this this I know, when problems show no hope of resolution,
This glass of mine when filled with wine will give the right solution
In Physics I can only make uneducated guesses,
My wooly pate can't calculate the simplest strains and stresses;
Yet when my head is almost dead with mental acrobatics,
A pint of ale will never fail to teach me hydrostatics
To learn the rules of molecules confounds my best resources,
For Van der Waals gets me in snarls with his atomic forces
The parachor, and what it's for, I never dare to mention:
A glass of stout includes me out of studying surface tension
Both rho and phee are Greek to me, I find them most unruly;
I don't see why they satisfy the equation of Bernoulli
I can't make sense of turbulence, I merely get to know, Sir,
From half a quart of vintage port the facts of liquid flow, Sir
In deep research let others lurch and hunt elusive muons
For QED is not for me, with all its quarks and gluons
Let others gaze at cosmic rays revealed in sparkling bubbles
A glass of beer will always clear my head, and end my troubles
Note: a winner in a contest held by New Scientist
tune: Vicar of Bray
@parody @drink @science
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