The other day, I took a walk because the air was sweet.
And I passed a crusty house of Curmudgeon on my street.
Now every town has got one, so I'm sure you'll understand,
When I tell you this old bastard is a mean and bitter man!
Now this day was special, I was wearing my new hat.
The old curmudgeon saw this and he disapproved of that.
He said
'I've had one just like it, for 10 years!
You ripped me off!
You've got no right to wear a hat like mine, so take it off!'
Now as it happens, I'm a gentleman, so I approached his porch.
I told him 'Great minds think alike, and you have one, of course.
So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you and I come on through?'
He reached down for his gun and said 'I'll shoot you if you do!'
And I said:
No one's gonna cry at your funeral!
No one's gonna drink at your wake!
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead!
Well the next day I forgot this whole damn mess and went to town.
And there I saw a 100 or so posters all around.
And on them was my face, and I was wearing my new hat.
And there it read, 'This guy ripped me off! I've got one just like that!'
I took a walk down to his face to see if I could find a way to show him
That we're kindred spirits of the mind.
I said 'I didn't make these hats, and nor did you, of course.
And hey! We both love Johnny Cash.'
He said 'Get off my porch!'
And I said:
No one's gonna cry at your funeral!
No one's gonna drink at your wake!
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead!
When you look back on your life, what will you see?
Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines?
There is no shortage of potential enemies,
So don't waste much time pushing away your kind!
I thought I must be stupid or just crazy from the heat,
when I went down to the house of that curmudgeon on my street.
Maybe it was foolish to go to his house again.
Just to show this crazy, drunken fool he has a friend!
When I got there, much to my surprise, he wasn't there.
He was gone, as was his shotgun and his rocking chair.
I asked the neighbour lady who was laying on her lawn
'What happened to that mean old man?'
She shrugged and that was all!
And I said:
No one's gonna cry at your funeral!
No one's gonna drink at your wake!
No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye!
'Cause no one's gonna miss you!
Hell, no one's gonna notice!
And I'll enjoy the silence!
When! You're! Dead!