You’ve got problems when you squirrel
You’ve got problems when you hurl
Into a bucket in the parking lot
You’ve got problems with your face
You’ve got problems with your place
And your position at the outlet mall
I sympathize — Thank God they ain’t mine
You’ve got problems fitting in You’ve got problems knowing when
Your behavior’s inappropriate
You’ve got problems in your head
You’ve got problems in your bed
Problems with your twisted little sexuality
And I find, thank God they ain’t mine
You’ve got problems In the street
Problems with everything you eat
You’re a mess
I decide, they ain’t mine